I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
