Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
