please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
