so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize