grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
