Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
