1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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