I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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