ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
