she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
