i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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