yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
