he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
