My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
