you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
