stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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