Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
