i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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