I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
