my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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