I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
