Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
