soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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