Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
