I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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