i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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