She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
