There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
