If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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