I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
