Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
