my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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