do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
