3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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