This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
