I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
