Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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