my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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