You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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