she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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