How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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