is your mom at the bar?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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