everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
