I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
