She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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