If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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