I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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