so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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