Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
