my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
