so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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