OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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