I want to make a zoo with you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
