Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
