Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
