i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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