My brain says no but my pants say off.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
