Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
