Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
