I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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