i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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