I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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