True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
