i was rollin on her like bob the builder
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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