I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
