I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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