i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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