You smell like stripper and shame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
