I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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