Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
