Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
