something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
