Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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