Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I deserve this hangover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
