summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
