Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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