did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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