dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
