I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
