why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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